Dying, day 10

My body is breaking down so quickly in so many ways that I wonder what I will die of in the end. One of these days the tumour will probaby damage a nerve with fatal consequences. Perhaps it will become so difficult for me to get my mucus out of my throat that I will simply suffocate. And then there's the possibility that my right foot will get an infection. 3 days ago I could still walk on my own aroud the house, albeit at a snail's pace. This morning I've asked for a wheelchair... At the rate it's going, I know I won't be able to keep blogging for long. But Ton -- my hubby, love of my life, soulmate, best friend, personal nurse, and spokesman -- will become my blogkeeper then, so let me introduce you to him this evening...

Grace's condition is getting worse and it is very frustrating that there is nothing I can do about it. I can help her walk, eat, take medicine, write her blog, but I cannot do anything about this tumour that is eating her up. The last days I was not depressed though, it is a wonder how positive we have been. My family came to dinner and it was very pleasant. And despite having an awful night without much sleep, we worked hard and energetically on her book. I should let her go, that is the Buddhist way to cope with it, but I am holding on to her even more now I am her private nurse and her resort. Love her too much to let her go.

A child is born, Grace's and my first nephew, Xavier. Seeing his picture brings a smile on my face everytime again. We will add a picture soon to bring a happy note to this blog. As Dylan says: Death is not the End.